Parental and Spousal Search Engine

Parental and Spousal Search Engine

It’s a damn good thing our kids don’t have to Pay-per-ask (like a Pay-per-click account) for things, or they’d be broke!

“Mom, where’s my lucky socks? I’ve got a test today!”
“Mom, I can’t find my lucky shirt. Where is it? My date is gonna be here in ten minutes!”

Of course our spouses, AKA-our husbands *wink, are lucky as well.
I might have to think about charging him for me being a Spousal Search Engine. LOL

“Honey, where’s my belt?”
“I can’t find my other shoe. Honey, have you seen it? Honey? Anybody?”
“Honey, I love yoouu. Have you seen my hat?”
“Honey, where’s my good socks? Both of these have holes in them!”
“Honey, have you seen my lucky boxers? I’ve got a meeting today.”
“Where’s my favorite shirt? You know; the one with last weeks spaghetti stain!” LOL

HINT: Why do you think your honey-do list is so long all the time?

Then of course, you have to think of search tips for them, just like a real search engine.
Search tips help the search engine do what you want or need.

Here are some very reasonable search tips and pings:

Parental Search Tips for kids:

Make sure your room is clean
Stop leaving dirty clothes next to hamper
Remember to take frog out of pocket before putting pants in hamper (And anything else for that matter).
Don’t complain when you have to try mom’s new recipe experiment – criticize gently.
24 hour notice before bring friends over-especially if they like to hang around for dinner.
Class Treat Notice – Please do not leave it until the night before you need something.
Class Project Notice – Please do not leave it until the night before it’s due. Supplies are hard to find at bedtime.
Scratch mom’s back when she asks. She did give birth to you, you know – so scratching it is NOT going to hurt you, unlike childbirth.
Computer Use – Don’t come home with a pretend project so you can chat or play games until dinner.

Spousal Search Tips for men:

Put clothes in hamper, not on the floor
Clean up after you shave-includes cleaning sink-not just putting away the shave gel or throwing away used razor.
Ask her how her day was first for a change.
(Especially if she’s a say-at-home mom. Stay-at-home parents are taken for granted)
Surprise wife with flowers once in a while.
Massage her back or feet when she’s had a hard day WITHOUT complaining.
Let entire song play on radio instead of changing it in the middle just because that’s not what you wanted to listen to.

Dinner Guest Notices: Husbands, please pay attention to this or your wife will most likely freak out on you. (Also, it helps to ask your wife how long of a notice she needs…)

24 hour notice if you bring a friend over for dinner. (If you just plain show up with him, he may end up having a TV dinner. Sorry, but the meal was already planned ahead to begin with. Besides, McDonalds is not that far away either and now you’re the one who looks silly and cheap because YOU didn’t plan ahead.

48 hours if more than one friend comes over, and they're picky eaters.

3 days notice at least, if boss is coming. One week notice if bosses wife comes along or if there will be others.

How to Ping your wife:

Do things BEFORE you get nagged
Surprise wife with jewelry AND flowers once in a while. (Not too often or we’ll think something is up)
Cook dinner AND do dinner dishes
ALL OVER body massage
Take a bubble bath with her
Choose a “girly, cuddle-up” movie and actually watch it with her-on the same couch-all cuddled in your comfiest position, instead of putting us thru the usual humiliating “nude women every-other-scene”, or the “shoot-‘em-up” type.
If boss is coming for dinner-HELP clean the house instead of giving orders.

How to Ping your mom:

Do chores without being reminded or asked – including garbage or litter box.
Don’t fight so much with your siblings.
Figure out how to compromise with your siblings on your own – we won’t always be around, so you better know how to think for yourself.

After a wonderful pampering, we may be able to accept reasonable requests. Otherwise, we may let things go in one ear and out the other – selective hearing can work both ways. *wink

(Ping is a basic internet program that lets you verify that a particular IP address exists and can accept requests. Ping is used diagnostically to ensure that a host computer you are trying to reach is actually operating.)

There are many other things I could add to these lists, but I think you guys get the picture. *smile

Yes, I know you men have some tips for us as well. But keep in mind they must be reasonable and fair in order for us to even consider them.
So there can’t be any like, “Three-some with our best friend” as a Ping unless that’s what you’re both, all three of you, are into!